Finally, We Get The Scoop On Elizabeth Warren’s Skincare Routine

Finally, We Get The Scoop On Elizabeth Warren’s Skincare Routine


>>Stephen: WITH THE IOWA CAUCUS
LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY, CANDIDATES ARE MAKING A BIG PUSH
TO GET VOTERS’ ATTENTION, INCLUDING MASSACHUSETTS SENATOR
AND TOURIST GOING IN FOR A CLOSER LOOK AT MICHELANGELO’S
“DAVID,” ELIZABETH WARREN. WARREN HAS A NEW INTERVIEW WITH
“ELLE” MAGAZINE, WHERE SHE COVERED TOPICS FROM POLICY TO
RELATIONSHIPS OR, AS SHE PLUGGED IT IN A TWEET, “YOU DESERVE
BETTER. DUMP THE GUY WHO GHOSTED YOU,
CONVINCE THE ROOMMATE TO LET YOU ADOPT A DOG, AND I’LL TAKE
CARE OF CANCELING YOUR STUDENT LOAN DEBT!”
WELL, FIRST OFF, FIRST OFF, SENATOR, THAT SOUNDS LOVELY, BUT
“DUMP THE GUY WHO GHOSTED YOU”? “GHOSTED” MEANS THEY’RE ALREADY
GONE! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT
AS SOON AS THEY ASK “THE LATE SHOW” INTERNS TO EXPLAIN IT TO
THEM. THAT’S UNIVERSAL.( APPLAUSE )
GHOSTED. WARREN ALSO DID AN INTERVIEW
WITH “COSMO,” WHERE SHE DISHED ON HER SKINCARE ROUTINE.>>YOU KNEW THIS WAS COMING. WHAT IS YOUR SKINCARE ROUTINE?>>SO I HAVE– HAD, SHE’S PASSED
NOW– BUT A MUCH OLDER COUSIN NAMED TOOTSIE. AND YEARS AGO, I WAS, I GUESS
PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN MY 20s, AND WE’RE AT A BIG FAMILY
REUNION. AND TOOTSIE WAS BEAUTIFUL. AND I LOOKED OVER AT HER, AND I
SAID, “TOOTS, HOW DO YOU HAVE SUCH GORGEOUS SKIN?”
>>Stephen: I’M GOING TO INTERRUPT REAL QUICK HERE TO
POINT OUT ONLY ELIZABETH WARREN COULD SAY THE SENTENCE, “TOOTS,
HOW DO YOU HAVE SUCH GORGEOUS SKIN” AND HAVE IT NOT BE CREEPY? SOMEWHERE OUT THERE–
( APPLAUSE )
SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, JOE BIDEN
IS LIKE, “OH, BUT I CAN’T SNIFF ONE NECK? COME ON! COME ON, TOOTS! I KNOW TOOTS! TOOTS AND CORN POP.” ANYWAY. WHAT DID TOOTS SAY?>>SHE SAID, “POND’S MOISTURIZER
EVERY MORNING, EVERY NIGHT, AND NEVER WASH YOUR FACE.” SO FROM TOOTSIE TO ME TO YOU. I NEVER WASH MY FACE.>>Stephen: I HATE TO BREAK IT
TO YOU, SENATOR WARREN, BUT I THINK TOOTS WAS MESSING WITH
YOU.( AS OLD WOMAN )
“HEH, WATCH THIS. HEY, LIZ! HEY, LIZ! USE PONDS CONSTANTLY, NEVER WASH
YOUR FACE, AND DID YOU KNOW WE’RE HALF NATIVE AMERICAN? TELL EVERYONE! THAT’S A WRAP ON TOOTS! TOOTS IS OUT!”
( APPLAUSE )
“NEVER WASH! NEVER WASH!”
“JUST DON’T BATHE!”( LAUGHTER )
I NEVER MET HER. I NEVER MET HER, AND I LOVE
TOOTS.( LAUGHTER )
WARREN HAS ALSO BEEN COURTING FORMER CANDIDATES. ACCORDING TO THE “POST,” WARREN
HAD JUST FINISHED HIKING ON WASHINGTON’S NORTH CASCADES
MOUNTAINS WHEN SHE DROPPED IN FOR LUNCH WITH JAY INSLEE, WHOSE
ENDORSEMENT SHE WAS SEEKING. OH, SHE JUST HAPPENED TO BE
HIKING NEAR JAY INSLEE’S HOUSE? WHAT’S NEXT? SHE JUST HAPPENS TO BE ON THE
SAME HALF-PIPE AS BETO O’ROURKE?( AS WARREN )
“WHAT A COINCIDENCE! YOU THRASH HERE, TOO?”
( LAUGHTER )

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About the Author: John Markowski

87 Comments

  1. Tootsie, was always so pretty and beautiful that she died young. What happened to her? Please say it wasn't skin cancer or some disease related to poor hygiene.

  2. “Never wash my face” is a thing! Its literally just not washing (lathering) your face with soap…. it actually is very good advice

  3. Wow. Some real hard-hitting material from "Orange man bad" Colbert.

    Ask her how she's going to pay for her insane policies. Ask her about her book "the two income trap".

  4. It almost seems like Elizabeth Warren used a focus group to find out how to fake being relatable to voters instead of actually being appealing.
    Vote Bernie 2020!

  5. Only person that lies more than Trump. Pelosi and Warren are criminal liars. The Democratic party should just commit suicide and I guess they are.

  6. Yall laughing but I dont use face cream nor do I wash my face regularly. When I do I dont use any other than water. Some folks just have good skin Gene's.

  7. Warren was answering a young woman's question about a man that ghosted her but kept checking up on her social media. She wanted to know if she should give up on the guy. This media story line is so disingenuous.

  8. Elizabeth Warren's campaign is as washed up as she is. Doomed to failure by her lies and deceit. Cover your gut Lizzie, you're going belly up.

  9. I love Warren, but that was a long folksy story instead of "lasers, micro abrasion, and plastic surgery, just like Biden and all politicians of a certain age ". They have to spend time in a dermatologist's office and a salon, to look that dewy at that age. She looks better than the video of her from 30 years ago, as does Biden. Let's stop asking this question, when we also require them to look unnaturally young.

  10. Let's just pay everybody is dead off why not. We're pretty much a socialist disconnected Society anyways right who gives a f*** about the person who just finished paying off their loan right Stephen Colbert propagandist extraordinaire

  11. Laugh it up. Fed is injecting a hundred billion dollars into the overnight Market every month now and it's not going to have any end in sight. 40% of companies in the stock market lost money the last 10 months. CEOs stepping down in record numbers. Not to mention we're still 23 trillion dollars in debt with unfunded not to mention we're still 23 trillion dollars in debt with unfunded liabilities. You dumbass people let this happen and now you're all going to get hit with the biggest Haymaker of your entire life. Laugh it up watch Stephen Colbert cuz he knows that this is going to happen he's Whispering you all to sleep so you can be left holding the bag don't be stupid don't fall for this political theater Stephen Colbert is a piece of s*** that doesn't care about any of you

  12. I haven't put soap on my face in a couple of decades at the advice of a friend. I am constantly complimented on nice skin. It's a thing.

  13. honestly, Ms. Warren seems delightful… she seems stern yet empathetic….. if she added some memes and zest and "can do attitude" without a gaffe… she can actually turn this ship around.

    "Dare to be human, Be bold"" let's turn this ship around. Yes, we can!

    "We can do it!" let's bring this WW2 slogan back! Every son has a mother, bring it to every man's heart, let's get rid of this boys club… we've steered this ship long long long enough… mommas got a boat and a plan, so why not give her a vote. She seems like the lady that would cook you a pie when you're not feeling well, or listen to your tail when others would judge…

  14. Elizabeth Warren does look great, but I have to comment that I used Ponds moisturizer all throughout high school and college and it made my skin oily as hell. Switched to argan oil a few years ago and my skin is so much better now.

  15. Everyone who washes their face morning and night with soap is removing the natural protective barrier oils that your skin produces. Wash away but use a barrier cream after. And no, not any moisturizer will do. Find a good barrier cream. FYI.

  16. My aunt was a chain smoking 70 year old who swore by Pond's Cold Cream when I asked her what her secret was to her super soft looking skin. She also told me she never lets water touch her face.

  17. I didn't find that secret out until my grandmother was dying. She had incredible smooth clear skin at 80. Sure, sounds funny to a guy … if only I knew it long ago.! Elizabeth shared something real and personal for us as she always does… even down to her personal skin care. Nice to have a real human being running for office.

  18. Don't pick on the ladies, Steve, or you're going to loose at least a third of your audience. Cold Cream skin care IS a thing, you Man.

  19. She has a cousin named Tootsie. I have an Aunt Wootsie. My dad, her brother, came up with the name “Woot Bottom” when they were kids. It was the worst thing he could think of to call her. Then they made the nickname Wootsie. No kidding.

  20. As a teen I had pimples and tried all the advice of advertisements, aunts and uncles, and parents. It didn't help. I asked the doctor and his response was "don't wash your face, just rinse with water." That advice works! Freaks people out if I tell them, but my skin is great.

  21. Warren chose an unfortunate way to express some good advice : never scrub your face clean with soap and hot water. Your skin needs surface oils.

  22. Soap is terrible for your skin, just rinse with water periodically. This is totally a thing and Warren is rocking it.

  23. Not washing my face has my skin so smooth and soft. I also have dry skin so washing it causes my skin to dry out so quickly. So yeah guys and girls, no soap.

  24. My mother is 67 and has NO wrinkles. She says she only uses water when washing her face. No soap. No cleansers. Just water. Oh, and she doesn't smell and she looks very clean lol

  25. too bad, Warren is a hack who lies about Bernie. Warren is a liar and untrustworthy. She is unfit to be president of the United States

  26. Never wash your face with soap, dot-dot. She should have said. It works! Soap just dries out your skin so don't do it.

  27. Even a shower and a washcloth leave my face hurting from dryness – Any oil to the rescue!

    Alboline Unscented Moisturizing cleans your skin. Water washing is not needed. This is great for dry skin.

    Your interns need some wise-ing up themselves.

  28. She's right tho. Ever since I started using a little makeup remover and water, instead of soap/facewash, my skin has looked way better. And yeah moisturizing is pretty much the most important thing. I used to have acne so I use Cetaphil oil free moisturizer with spf, and mix it with just a little foundation. I actually put a teensy tiny bit of coconut oil under my eyes first, but just the tiniest bit. I'm 31 and every time I try to buy alcohol they don't just ID me, they look at me with an angry/suspicious expression and then when they see my birthdate they're always like "NO. WAY." Haha.

  29. Funny part is ever since I stopped washing my face I havent had a breakout and instead glowing plump skin. If I do anything outside of just splashing it with a little water I use an exfoliate if I get dry skin like in the winter

  30. Ponds is mineral oil, mineral oil is a liquid by-product of refining crude oil to make gasoline and other petroleum products. Liz Warren is literally promoting the oil industry with this bs

  31. Warren begging for the spotlight attacking Bernie with horrible lies and smears there no limit to how low she will stoop

  32. Don't make fun of her tweet, Stephen! The guy could've ghosted someone, and then wanted to come back, or just suddenly reappeared after a few hours/ days/ weeks.

  33. I've used Ponds for years! Ponds in the morning, Noxema at night. NEVER soap… Advice of my 2 VERY young looking grandmothers… I'm approaching 60, and I think my skin looks pretty good. 🙂
    And for clarification, you leave the Ponds on all day, rinse it off WITH WATER ONLY at night, and either reapply the Ponds, or apply Noxema. In the morning, rinse it off AGAIN WITH WATER ONLY, then reapply the Ponds.

  34. Wanted to laugh but didn't even a little. These leftist "comedians" have nothing funny to offer at all… even when they pretend to roast their own.

  35. I'm 62 years old. I'm the mgr of an organic grocery store. I'm asked several times a week what I do with my face because of how my skin looks. Nothing. Soap never touches it. Water only. A good scrub about once a month. I get Toots!

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