Keith Crowns Instagram’s Next Dog Superstar


– Welcome back to the season
finale of The Barkchshler, the internet’s favorite dog review show. I’m your host, contestant, judge and Barkchshler himself,
Keith Habersberger. What a time we’re having. Guys, we’re here. There are four dogs. (imitating gun noises) (laughs) These four dogs, for the last five days, have been posting at least one post a day and at least one story a day and I’ve been watching and judging. Who’s gonna win? Is it gonna be Charles Avocado Van Gogh the three-legged Corgi? Is it gonna be Kenny, the beautiful pit bul, maybe bulldog mix? We’re not really sure
because she’s a rescue. Is it Missoni, the little minx
who loves to create music? Or is it Koda, with that weird voice but incredible production value? Who’s gonna win The Barkchshler? (upbeat music) Okay, okay, alright, we’re scrolling down. Why won’t it keep uploading more? That can’t be the oldest thing that one of these dogs has posted. Why is Instagram on browser
such a piece of shit? I get it, you wanna be a phone app but you’re a multi-million dollar company. Make the browser fucking function. (upbeat music) Missoni is our only
contestant who actually created her Instagram on
the day of The Barkchshler announcing that she
was in the competition. Missoni did not have an
Instagram, so this is huge. Missoni is currently at
34.1 thousand followers. Good job, Missoni! She’s sitting there beautifully with the donut and the card from me. Oh, that dog is so cute. The shag to her, oh. And she caught the
donut, she played fetch. I also love when little
dogs, they can’t run on like wooden floors, like… (slapping) (sighs) Okay, alright the second photo set. It’s very blown out, as we like to say. The whites are a little
too hot in this photo. Just technical note. Hey, I’m trying to help people out. It’s not just about the
creative of the content, it’s how you present it. You know, if we didn’t color this video it would look flat, it would look boring. Here, drop the color correction. (pops lips) See, alright put it back. Alright, it’s a weird joke. (laughs) “Is it Friday yet?” Oh, she’s just in this
little bunny rabbit hoodie. Missoni’s got style. Oh, she’s such a sleepy puppy. Oh, she’s so sleepy. She’s like, is it Friday yet? Is it Friday yet? I think Missoni’s probably got the best fashion sense of the Barkchshler top four. Let’s see what Koda’s got going on. No, not Kodak Black, no. I want the Koda that I follow. Why? What’s wrong with you, Instagram? Oh my gosh, I’m looking at a photo of when Koda was just a little puppy and her pattern hadn’t set in so she’s just a little gray blob. “Saturday’s are for snuggles. “Who’s your favorite
hashtag cuddle buddy?” Call to action. That’s a good way to get engagement. If you want more engagement on
your photos, ask a question. It will drive your stats up, you’ll be more likely to appear
in the search or suggested. I came to Koda, because Koda makes videos and we got a video right
here, let’s check it out. – [Koda narrator] And there
was a knock at my door. (knocking) What? A letter for me. I knew this had to be something special. – Yeah, it is something special. – “Dear Koda, congratulations
on becoming a finalist “of season two of the Barkchshler. “Enclosed is a donut and some bones.” – Why is this music so scary? It’s like I’ve given her a mission. Him, him, Koda’s a boy. That was so good, I mean, that’s video content right there, that was suspenseful right? That was like part one of something. What’s going on, why
was the music so scary? I don’t know, it’s awesome. I love Koda. This is a great photo series and what I like about this is it’s honest. You know, sometimes on Instagram, we only present the best
version of ourselves, and this is a side by side that really is that sort of expectations
verse reality, which I love. Classic format. Koda looking sweet wrapped
in Christmas decorations, and then we swipe to the
right, Koda’s pissed. Koda’s not just pissed, Koda looks a little bit feral. They got a… (snarls) attitude going on and I love it. This one is liked by Charles Avocado. (laughs) The dogs have been liking each
other’s content, I love it. And now this is Koda’s
sort of origin story. I’ve seen a little bit of this, I tried not to watch too
much cause I wanna be fresh. Some sad stuff, some heavy stuff. Let’s just, let’s just jump into it. – [Koda Narrator] The
holidays are always my time to take a paw back, reflect and think about how lucky a boy I am. It’s a very bittersweet time for my family because we lost my grandpa on
Christmas day a few years ago. He was the one who brought me
into this incredible family, and led the search for me when some bad people
stole me from my yard. – What? – I was just a few months
old and it was so scary. My mom found me listed
for sale on the internet. – What? – And my family organized
a plan with the amazing Garden Grove Police Department. Within a day and a half,
I was back in their arms. I’m also lucky that I was micro-chipped to make the search for me easier – Microchips are the best. – and until we are reunited with Grandpa over that rainbow bridge, I will cherish every holiday I get to spend with my family. – I’m gonna cry. This is a dog’s Instagram but also, in a way, this is like how someone is actually grieving a
loss of a family member and, like, trying to share their story and it’s so sweet. I’m gonna, like, start crying right here because that is so sad, that’s so sweet. I didn’t think this was gonna be how The Barkchshler turned out but all these dogs are so sweet and they have such sweet little stories. Hoo. That was the last post, thank God. (laughs) I couldn’t take another
sad story, that’s so sweet. Koda, I’m sorry you lost your grandpa. I’m glad your family’s doing okay. I’m glad you’re back with your family. Good posts, let’s check out Kenny. (clears throat) I’m fine, oh my gosh. Kenny’s been posting up a storm. I asked for one post a day. Kenny’s been like, I’ll
do an many as a I can. Just, Kenny looking sweet. Eight thousand likes. Good simple photo. Kenny’s running in. Kenny sees the donut, sees the treats, sees the friend, and his aunt, just going to town on that donut. Just… (toy squeaks) I didn’t even know those were squeak toys. And Kenny has totally ripped it to shreds. That donut is empty, flat, and
there’s stuffing everywhere. Kenny tagged Ned, said, “Look Ned, it may not be Yale, “but I went to school, too.” Getting in on the comedy
of the Try Guys, I love it. We have Kenny snuggled
up in some blankets. “It’s cold in New England. “Mom says I have to get up “but I’d much rather stay in bed all day “and cuddle under all these blankets.” Mom! Origin story! “I wanted to take a minute to share “part of my story with all of you. “We don’t know a lot about my background, “just that I was found as a
stray living on the streets. “I was adopted once before
my family rescued me, “but they brought me back “because they couldn’t
handle all my energy. “But now I’m super
happy and living my best “happiest most crazy life.” Kenny was sent back, and then a new family came in, gave Kenny a home, and now Kenny is one of the
most famous dogs in the world. This is too much. This picture is weird. It looks like Kenny’s driving a car. “Roads are a little ruff today.” Oh, look at Kenny’s
little squished up face. “It’s time to spread some
wisdom about bully breeds. “I face breed discrimination
on a daily basis “because people like to peg bully breeds “as naturally aggressive dogs. “I’ve had people cross the
street when they see me coming, “and parents pull their
children away from me “because they’re afraid
I’m going to attack. “I just wanna say hi
and give lots of kisses. “I just want to use this
platform to spread the word “that bullies aren’t inherently
mean, or aggressive.” I think she means pit bulls. That’s right, end the stigma. Good job Kenny, that is beautiful. I’m glad you do it. That was a rollercoaster. Alright, let’s get to
Charles Avocado Van Gogh. Right now, Charles Avocado
does have the most followers, at 49.6 thousand followers. He’s a seven year old Corgi. We got a little photo strip. Oh, Charles is sleepy. He doesn’t wanna get out of bed. Kenny knows what that’s like. Okay, this is cute. “Hello, I’m here for all of
your box shredding needs.” Oh my God! Doing all that with only one leg, cause he’s only got one front paw. Oh, this is cute, he’s got a little Try Guys sticker on his forehead. These photos are really nice. Picture quality is great. Oh yeah, we got a booty pic! Man, look at those glutes. Jesus! Yes! Yes Charles. – [Owner] Will you nudge it? – Nudge it, nudge it Charles. Good job Charles. Now it’s time to get
into everybody’s stories. (upbeat music) (coughing) Is it x miss, no what is it? Cassi Mobey, please! My God! Little Missoni did a great job for us, she actually put all of her
stories in the highlights so I’m going to start with day one. Let’s check it out. “My human just got home, “so a post from me will be expected soon.” That’s great. She’s freaking out that
ten thousand followers… All of these posts are
just texts right now, not the most visual. Singing one, let’s check it out. (Missoni barking) – [Owner] Good girl. – Good girl. Aw, Missoni’s getting in her cat bed. That’s a bed for a cat. (laughs) But she fits just fine. She’s just a little cuddle muffin. Oh, she’s so precious. Oh, she’s walking. She does that best. “When you’re twinning with mummy.” Do they actually write “mummy?” Over in England, they write “mummy?” – [Man] Mm-hmm. – So something different here. She’s nine years old? Hold on, nine years? My God, you’re the oldest
one in the competition. I thought for sure she was the youngest. She’s so little. She’s like a thousand years young. Little advertisement for
Pedigree’s Tasty Bites. This is her favorite treat. Congratulations Pedigree, you got some free sponsorship there. Hey you wanna pay for more,
we can always make more. Huh, Pedigree, huh, huh? I don’t know. She’s a bi… A bi-con-friss? Freeze? She’s a bichon frise and chihuahua. A little French, a little Spanish. (laughs) Oh, she’s so cute. (“Thank U, Next” by Ariana Grande) ♪ Thank you, Keith ♪ ♪ Thank you, Keith ♪ ♪ Thank you, Keith ♪ ♪ I’m so grateful for Keith ♪ ♪ Thank you, Keith ♪ ♪ Thank you, Keith ♪ – Great stuff, let’s move on to Koda. These stories are actually
from Koda’s email account. All the other dogs, their parents email, but Koda has an email. “Hey @keithhabs, you’ve
heard of Elf on a Shelf, “now get ready for Koda on a soda.” And they photoshopped Koda’s
face onto a drawn soda can. Very confusing. Having a lunch break,
got 10k “fur-riends.” “We love you.” I love the puns, Koda’s
really the pun queen. Oh, there’s a baby in the background. A little toddler! We met Riley in Koda’s “paw
my life” video last week. – [Koda Narrator] Welcome
to my “paw my life.” – This is so stupid. (laughs) All… This whole show is so silly. “Good morning, can we go back to sleeps?” All these dogs really want a nap. “Mommy forget finals, let’s nap instead.” Man. These dogs I think are
just the inner monologue of the owners just really
wanting to take a break. “Who’s your favorite person? “@keithhabs, my mommy is my…” Once again Koda, when you ask
who’s your favorite person, you answer me, not your family. It was me. I’m the Barkchshler. This ends in a proposal. Or an adoption, or a theft. Something, we don’t know. That’s very cute. I’m the Barkchshler. – Are you sure? – Well I’m the Barkchshler and then I… (laughs) I’m pretty sure I’m the Barkchshler. Oh, this is so cute. “I’m six, seven in January.” A Capricorn. Eugene will be thrilled. “Do you have siblings?” We got an older brother named Drexler. Drexler was not submitted
for The Barkchshler because everybody knows
Drexler is not as hot as Koda. Good job, Drexler’s pretty
funny looking though. Oh yeah, this one I love,
this is a great video. Alright, it’s Koda trying to walk through a doggy door with a big bone. He can’t do it. Keeps getting stuck. Classic! Woo, love it. Really great stories from Koda. I love Koda so much. Let’s move on over to Kenny. – [Owner] Kenny, where’s your belly? – Where’s your belly, Kenny? – Where’s your belly? – Where’s your belly? There it is! – There’s your belly! – Yeah! Man, Kenny’s got a good belly. Oh my gosh, Kenny’s upside down. What a cute dog. Kenny is so cute. Honestly like, Kenny is a dog, like… I’ve always joked about stealing the dog. I would steal Kenny, Kenny’s a cute dog. – Trust fall! – Oh yeah, woo! Kenny does this trick
where Kenny falls back, and then gets caught
and they rub the belly and I just love it. I can’t get enough of it. It’s so darn precious. I’ve never seen that trick before. (kissing sound) – [Owner] Roll over. – Roll over Kenny, show us that belly. – Yeah, woo! Kenny got a treat, Kenny did the trick, good job Kenny. Kenny is a dog, Kenny’s
just out there being a dog. He’s not wearing clothes, he’s not baking cookies,
just rolling over. Kenny is so cute! My God! And last but not least, we got Charles Avocado Van Gogh. Charles actually has been
doing so much content I can’t possibly go through it all. Really an impressive challenger
and competitor in this. 2015, Charles Avocado
ate some aluminum foil. Started being weird, started
acting a little restless. Mom took Charles Avocado
to the vet and they decided that the neurological
symptoms were something called hepatic en-seph-el-off… I can’t pronounce it. Something neurological. This made the liver fail. And I don’t know if this is because of the tinfoil or something else but basically, Charles
Avocado, liver has failed as of 2015 in November. They have to get an ultrasound, they have to plan for surgery. They go through and get the surgery. One quick note, they always censor Charles Avocado’s dick, I don’t know why, but it’s really funny, like,
every time he’s upside down, they put something over his penis. The vets thought it was just gonna be one little problem to take it out but they get into surgery and of course it’s more than that. Spends the night as the hospital, they weren’t sure if Charles
was going to make it, but Charles is a fighter. They only thought that the dog was going to make it a couple weeks, said the prognosis was grim. So of course they started
preparing for the worst and we got some photos of
Charles with shaved belly, stitches up his tummy, hard to look at. But every day that passed,
Charles was getting stronger. Becoming more like Charles’ self. So many snuggles, so
much soccer yet to play. Charles was going for it. Not gonna to give up. Before you knew it, he was
back to his goofy self. Now obviously, Charles only has three legs so how did this happen? Something started happening,
the paw had a problem. Went to the Iowa State Veterinarian. They found out that something
was wrong with the paw, that the paw was becoming infected. Whatever was happening, it was really bad so they had to eventually amputate. But, you know, he did
fine, he’s okay again. He’s alive, he’s good,
he’s got one less leg but he’s not any bit less of a dog. Such a sweetie. (sighs) And they talk about him going to the vet. They talk about all the
difficulties he’s been through and it’s just so, like, in depth and it’s really great storytelling. It’s very thorough. It really makes you feel
connected to this pup. He’s really just a great content creator and a lot of people love
Charles so, there we are. Now what do we do? Who wins the Barkchshler? How do you even just choose one? This is tough! All these dogs had great
posts, they had great stories. I learned so much. I feel like I know these dogs. How do we decide? (suspenseful music) I’m gonna go ahead and
say that in fourth place, although this dog is such
a cute little muffin, a darling, a darling among darlings, I’m going to say that in
fourth place is Missoni. Missoni, I love you so much. You are such a good dog. You did a great job. I’ve loved you ever since I saw you. I always wanted to put you on my shoulder. You’re such a sweetie. I want you use this as an opportunity to, you know, do more of your
art and continue this up. So congratulations, Missoni, you are my fourth
favorite dog in the world. Pretty good. In third place, I am
going to give this to… Koda. Koda, you are so amazing. But you are a YouTuber. The videos you make are YouTube videos. I think your Instagram is awesome, I think you should keep up Instagram cause it’s a better
place for you to succeed but I think you should consider putting some of your content on YouTube. First of all, YouTube has monetization. I think you can do it. You can crush it out there. And you have a great story. So here we are, what do we do? We got Charles Avocado Van Gogh. Every year has had something
rough happen to him but he has persevered. And then we have Kenny. Kenny was on the streets. Kenny’s a breed that has
got a lot of misconceptions. So what do we do? This is hard, actually I’ll be honest, I tweeted last night that Becky and I were having an argument over who should win the Barkchshler and it was between Kenny
and Charles Avocado Van Gogh and its because both of these dogs deserve to win. It’s just so hard, it’s this
really difficult decision. You always watch those reality shows and you’re like, “Oh well, “just pick the one you like the most.” I’m like, I know which
one I like the most. I like them both! I never thought it would
be like this, you know. I really thought I was gonna
make a video where I sort of made fun of a bunch of
people’s dogs on the internet and through this I think
I’ve actually grown the most. Alright, I’m just gonna
announce the winner because if I announce second place you already know who won. So I’m going to say of
the person who didn’t win, I think that you are doing so
many amazing things out there. I want you to keep making content. I think that you’re a beautiful dog. I’m so proud of you. The winner of the second
season of The Barkchshler, which is really the only actual
season of the Barkchshler, but it’s the second season
of the Barkchshler, is the winner of the first impression bone, Charles Avocado Van Gogh! (cheering) Make it rain, like, doggy bones here. Wow! Charles, I have to give it to you. Your content is great and ultimately, this is about finding the most viral dog and the best content creator and I think your content is the best. And what do you win? What do you win? Uh, what do you win? (laughs) Well you win the honor,
first and foremost. How about I just keep, you know, posting about you once a month
for the rest of the year? Let’s see if we can get you
to five hundred thousand followers by the end of the year, huh? Not the end of this year,
by the end of the next year. By 2020, we’re going to get
Charles Avocado Van Gogh to five hundred thousand
Insagram followers. Congratulations to
Charles Avocado Van Gogh who is the winner of season
two of the Barkchshler. ♪ I’ll be there for Christmas ♪ ♪ Oh yeah ♪ ♪ I said I’ll be there for Christmas ♪ (upbeat music) – Are you tired of
sitting at home all alone? Well why aren’t you
following Keith on Instagram? Because I motivated more
people to follow dogs this week than I motivated
to follow myself. Follow me @keithhabs! I’m the genius here, okay?

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