– Hello everyone, it’s me
Colleen and if you’re sick of my pregnancy videos, then
this is not the video for you. In fact, if you’re sick
of my pregnancy videos, you should probably not
watch any of my channels for the next month and a half
because this baby’s coming and he’s getting big and
it is all I’m talking about and it’s all I’m going to
talk about until he comes out. So don’t unsubscribe. You can hate watch me, that’s fine, but just leave nice comments. I’m very emotionally fragile right now. Here’s my huge baby bump, pa-chew! I’m having major body image
issues, gained a lot of weight, so I thought a good idea
would be to put myself in the clothes that I can’t fit in anymore so that I feel worse about myself. Actually a few people
have told me to do this to try to fit into my
pre-pregnancy clothes, but I am very insecure
about my body right now. Obviously I’m pregnant
so when you’re pregnant, you gain weight, but I’ve
gained a lot of weight. It’s been really hard on my mind. Harder than I thought it was going to be. We’ll talk about that at
the end of this video. But for now, I’m going to pick
out five different outfits on my Instagram that I looked
like a skinny little mini in, and I’m going to try on
those outfits for you guys, and you can laugh at my weird body. (belches) First thing I have to do is
see if I can find these outfits in my closet so let’s go
do that together right now. Shall we? All righty, I’m in my closet. So first outfit I need to find. I have to find these sweatpants and this positivity crop top. Let me see if I can find those ♪ Duh duh duh ♪ Okay, found it deep in my closet. This is so short on me,
it’s gonna be so bad. I don’t know if these
are the exact sweatpants, but they look very similar. The problem is, I ain’t
this skinny anymore, henny. I gained 46 pounds with pregnancy. I’m large and in charge. These are going to cause
some major love handles which is really cool. Okay the next one is the
spread happiness crop top, and it looks like I’m wearing
high-waited jeans or shorts. Those don’t fit me anymore so
I’m just gonna have to wear maternity jeans which have like an elastic waistband on them, ’cause those jeans, there’s
no way, they will not fit me. There’s not a chance, they wouldn’t even fit my thigh right now. So let me see if I can find
something that will work. Can’t find the crop top version. I can only find the full version but I can just like roll it up. These are maternity
pants, ladies and gents. They have a stretchy band
on top of your tummy. No zippers. We’re gonna have to just go with these ’cause it’s the only thing
that fits me right now, so it’s really cool. (chuckles sadly) Okay this one is kind of like
an iconic Colleen picture. Still have that dress and those heels, so I want to recreate
this ’cause I wanna see if that dress will still fit me. Whoa Nelly. ♪ Ta da ♪ Here are the shoes, good to go with that. Onto the next outfit. A classic button-up Miranda shirt. I chose this photo for two reasons: one, the Miranda button-up
shirt doesn’t really fit me anymore, and two, the red lipstick. Now I actually have my red
lipstick so gotta do that promo, you can go get it,, hello. Next one, I actually was
pregnant in this picture, I was like six or seven
weeks, look how skinny I was. Holy smokes, like how did I not
break into a million pieces? That’s a skinny person. I cannot believe I was ever that skinny. That blows my mind. Okay so I need my red hoodie crop top and my little brunette sweatpants. I found ’em, there’s
moccasins, pants, sweatshirt. This is stressing me out, guys. I’m so insecure about my body right now. This is very hard or me to
do, but I think it’ll be a funny video and also maybe
it’ll help me to open up and talk about my body image issue that I’ve kind of had my whole life, but really it’s been highlighted
since I got pregnant. And just found the spread
happiness crop top. Hello, a new crop top it is! All right so we have the
outfits, now it’s time to put them on, try to
recreate Instagram photos. I can’t recreate all the pictures exactly, so I’m just gonna try to
find places in my house that look somewhat similar. Let’s get started. That’s the first one. Do you remember when I posted this one? – Yeah.
– Yeah, I was like, I look so skinny. Not anymore! Pervert! Oh– – [Colleen And Erik] My God. (chuckles) – Yeah I’ll put these
pants on over my pants. Oh I don’t know about this. Where my waist used to
go, barely fits one thigh. This is not going well so far. – [Erik] You’re doing great. – [Colleen] My God! I used to fit in this? Oh my God. – [Erik] You still got it! – Love handles galore. How you doing, baby? This is exhausting. Do I look the same as I did?
– Yeah. – I look really skinny. There’s no way to not
show my bra as I do this. I think I did that one. – [Erik] Where was it that
you posted that picture? It wasn’t on Twitter–
– Instagram. – [Erik] Oh I found a sweet angle. – Oh God, low.
– Did you get it? – I think so. (camera shutter clicks) Okay guys, what do you
think, did I get it close? The next outfit is, it’s a crop top, spread happiness crop top and jeans. This is what maternity jeans look like. So they’re the only jeans that fit me, so I can roll them down. I want to find like a white wall. Holding it like this. I’m gonna need you to take this one. (soft acoustic music) (camera shutter clicks) What do you guys think,
did we nail that one? The next one is the Miranda photo. I haven’t even tried putting this one on in the last month, so I
don’t know if it’s gonna fit. I don’t know if this is
gonna even gonna button. Snap one, this is like my rip-away outfit. That’s the picture we’re doing. I just think it’s so
funny how this looks now. What’s on my butt?
– Poop! (soft acoustic music) (camera shutter clicks) I’m in the next outfit. I’m exhausted from changing my clothes. Literally exhausted from
changing my clothes. I cannot wait to not be pregnant anymore. With things like this, like
I literally had to sit down. Like I’m that tired. I have two more outfits. Help. Oh my God. How does it look? Oh my God, you’re gonna see
my entire vagina in this. (Erik laughs) – I like that look.
– I cannot believe, look how big my thighs are now, love. – [Erik] No. They’re not big at all. You look great. – They used to be half this size. – No.
– That’s wild. You can see my freaking butt cheeks. (soft acoustic music) (camera shutter clicks) Okay, what do you guys think of that one? That was hard to match. I don’t think I did very good on that one, and I look ginormous. – [Erik] (laughs) Great. – Tip your neck, so I was like
this, I was looking this way. – Beautiful.
– Oh my God. I’m getting a foot cramp. – [Erik] You look ridiculous. – Oh it’s too angled, dang it. I can’t see what I’m doing.
(camera shutter clicks) Well that was fun. There’s a few things I wanted
to talk to you guys about. I have actually filmed
videos of me talking about my body image issues
since I’ve been pregnant multiple times and then
deleted the footage. This is a very sensitive topic. It’s a very touchy subject. It’s a scary thing to talk about. I’ve talked about weight in the past and my body in the past and
gotten just so much hate from talking about it
even, so it’s hard for me to open up about it ’cause
I don’t wanna upset anybody or hurt anyone’s feelings
or offend anyone. I don’t know, it’s just a
scary thing to talk about, so I just wanted to
throw that out there that I am terrified to talk about this at all. I’ve always had a fast metabolism. I’ve always been a tiny, really,
really skinny little girl, but even being a skinny person, I had issues thinking I
was bigger than I was. And I didn’t realize that
until I got pregnant. ‘Cause now I look at pictures
of myself from before I was pregnant and I’m like oh my God. I remember taking that picture
and thinking I looked chubby. Now I look at that and I go oh my God, I look terrifyingly thin, I look so thin. But back then I thought I didn’t. And that is wild to me. Now when I was in high
school, I was very skinny and I remember a boy that
I had a crush on once told me that I was gaining weight and that I looked like
I was getting fatter. When you’re 15, 16 years old,
that affects you greatly. I guess it doesn’t really
matter what age you are that affects you greatly
but at that point, I was very, very insecure
and that really affected me. And after he said that to
me, I started just eating like a carrot for lunch
or I wouldn’t eat lunch, or I wouldn’t eat anything
until dinner all day, ’cause the boy I liked mentioned
that I was looking pudgier and thicker and in my mind that was bad. So maybe that’s where all this started, my weird brain thinking I
looked bigger than I do, ’cause even now, I feel huge. I feel large, and my
logical part of my brain that rationalizes and
makes sense of things knows I’m just pregnant
and I’m still a thin girl who’s just pregnant, but
there’s this other part of my brain that is telling me I am large. I’m not saying there’s anything
wrong with being large. There’s nothing wrong with being large. There’s nothing wrong
with being a bigger girl. I think all bodies are
beautiful, gorgeous, beautiful. Every woman I’ve ever seen, I
think every body is beautiful. And I genuinely think that. I see bigger girls and
I think they’re so sexy. I see thin girls and I
think they’re so sexy. I think women’s bodies are gorgeous. When I’m talking about
how my brain goes to kinda negative when I think
about how I’ve gained weight, it’s about me, it’s not
about people in general. And it makes me very sad
that I think that way and that is taught to us. The majority of movie stars and models and people we’re taught to
look up to and see as perfect and see as beautiful are thin girls, and so regardless of
what you say you believe or say you think, like I do, I think every body shape
is beautiful and wonderful. That has been formulated in our brain. It’s been burned in
our brain for magazines and TVs and movies and
we’re taught who to idolize and what looks pretty and what doesn’t. And so no matter what
you think or believe, that idea is put in your
brain in a very young age. So it’s hard to shut that up
and close it and turn it off. I got pregnant and my
body started to change. And it’s scary to watch your
body change really quickly, and what’s even worse is when
your body’s changing quickly and you feel insecure about
it and everyone’s commenting on how your body’s changing. So I started getting comments about how weird my body looked, how
I was gaining so much weight and how the shape of my
stomach looked weird, my boobs looked weird,
face is getting fatter. I started seeing these comments. I was already so insecure about it and it really has affected
me very negatively. To get dressed in the morning is hard ’cause I’m not used to nothing
fitting me in my closet. I’m not used to having
to continually go out and buy new size underwear,
pants, bras, everything, ’cause everything’s getting bigger. And it doesn’t matter that
it’s for a beautiful reason that I get to have a little baby. My mind just wanders
to this negative, dark, evil thought process of
like, I’m looking bigger and I have to buy bigger sizes,
so I don’t feel as pretty. What a disgusting thought that
has been burned in my brain because I do believe and
strongly believe that every size is beautiful and
every size should be celebrated. No two bodies are the same. Some women are big,
beautiful, curvy girls, and that’s just the shape of their body and it’s beautiful and that’s
the way they were created and that’s the way they’re made. So to say that someone is
more beautiful than them because of the size or shape
of their body is so, so nuts, and it makes me hate myself
that my brain is wired to think that, wired to
think that I am not pretty because of the way my
body is shaped right now. Why are we conditioned to think that? Why are we taught to think
that if your body isn’t shaped a specific way, you’re not attractive, and I feel like we’re starting
to go in the right direction of teaching women and young girls and men to love their bodies no matter what. Easier said that done and
I wish I could sit here in front of you guys right now
and I know there’s a lot of young, impressionable people who watch me and I wish I could say
to you, I love my body, and you should love your body. And I can confidently say
you should love your body, but what a hypocrite
’cause I don’t love mine, and I wish that I did and I
wish that there wasn’t that negative, dark, evil space
in my brain that tells me that I’m gross, my body
is weird and gross. I wish I had like a point
to talking about this. I guess I just kinda wanna
open up a discussion. When I was young, before
I noticed movies or TVs or magazines, before I
thought anything about any of that stuff, I would look
in the mirror and think, I thought I was beautiful. And I watch my niece
who’s 11 and I watch her stare at herself in the mirror, and know, I know she knows in her
mind she’s beautiful. Because she is, and I
can see it on her face. She looks in the mirror and
loves to look at herself. That makes me so happy and I wish that we could all be like that
and it breaks my heart that we are in a society where
you slowly get filtered into your brain, this is what pretty is, this is what you should look like, this is what a perfect body is. That is so sad to me. The rational, logical part
of my brain goes like, you’re pregnant and your body’s beautiful and you’re doing a magical,
cool, really awesome thing and growing a human and your
body looks cool right now. It’ll never look like this again. This is a cool experience. And what a beautiful thing
I get to do with my body, and I know that, I know that. So I’m not looking for
people to say that to me and try to reassure me, I know that. But there’s just this
evil, dark part of my brain that’s been ingrained in me
from the beginning of time that just has taught me,
no, this isn’t attractive, and that little tiny voice
in my brain is justified when I read those comments
that say the things that are in that little
evil part of my brain. So that’s something I’ve
been struggling with a lot, and I know that a lot
of other pregnant women have struggled with it and I
know there’s a lot of people just in general who
struggle with it because of the medication they’re on
that makes them gain weight or the health conditions they
have makes them gain weight. Or just people who are just born naturally with a bigger body, a
bigger, beautiful body. The unrealistic expectation
that society puts on us to look a certain way
is dangerous and scary and so I hope that this
video of me showing like, I’m gonna wear the same outfits I wore when I was skinny mini and now
that I’m a big ol’ pregnant, huge woman, I’m hoping
that will help me go a step in the right
direction because basically all I wear is like big, baggy stuff ’cause I wanna hide everything. I don’t wanna show my
profile because it shows I have like a double chin now. Stuff like that. Hopefully if I just
flaunt it and show like, this is my body right now. It’ll help me to feel
better and it’ll help me to start to be comfortable
with my body instead of trying to hide it, and
it’ll help some of you out there too see that
people go through this, and it’s okay to go through this. It’s okay to feel unattractive, and it’s okay to feel not
perfect, ’cause it’s normal. I don’t know, I don’t
really know where I’m going with this, I think I’m just talking. Hello? Hey girl.
– Hey. – Come on in. Rachel’s here. Tried on pre-pregnancy clothes. Crop tops and stuff. – Glorious. – Turned into how horrible
I feel about my body. – [Rachel] You’re beautiful though. – You’re beautiful too.
– I know. (laughs) – That’s what we need more of. That’s the moral of this. I’m telling you guys you’re beautiful. Tell each other you’re beautiful because what we need more of is
people encouraging each other and not tearing each
other down and saying like your body looks weird or you’re fat or you’re too skinny
or you’re too whatever. What we need is people
just encouraging each other and telling each other they look amazing because society, social
media, movies and TVs and all that stuff tell
you, this is what pretty is. And that’s kinda bullcrap
because, you’re beautiful. – [Rachel] I am. Are you saying I’m not
the stereotype beauty? – No, you are, and even
if you weren’t though– – I’m still beautiful.
– You’re still beautiful. ‘Cause everyone’s beautiful. Whenever I see people
on Instagram or Twitter or YouTube or anything
where they look stunning, they’re only showing you
the best parts of them. Just like right now, I
set this camera up higher so it’s like pointing down at me and there’s a lot of lights
and it’s overexposed. We set things up to make us look good, so don’t compare yourself
to people you see on social media or in movies or whatever because they’re doing a
lot of stuff and spending a lot of money to look the way they look. – [Rachel] That’s why I
barely post on Instagram, ’cause I don’t wanna put in
the effort to look that good. – Right. Spread some love and happiness today. And I hope you guys like this weird video. And we’re gonna go face the fires. Bye guys. (gasps) Oh subscribe! (soft acoustic music)

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About the Author: John Markowski


  1. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘❤❤❤❤❤💖💖💖💖💖💜💗💗

  2. How many phone cases do you have and get not to be rude just curious and this is actually my mom's tablet so my name is actually that we leaked and I am only a child and this is how to speak if you don't know yet cuz that is your first child 😂😜😉

  3. The end actually made me cry because I’ve been struggling with really bad body image and have done bad things to myself because of that and starved myself and I’ve been trying to think I’m pretty and this helped…Thankyou

  4. The thing your talking about seeing yourself bigger then you are is called body dismorphia and it's very very common

  5. What I see on my screen is a beautiful woman that is so smart, and is carrying a beautiful baby boy. ❤️❤️❤️

  6. You are beautiful keep smiling and you are not fat I love you Colleen you are perfect 👌❤️❤️💕😊

  7. The fact that she had to explain why she was skinny is extremly sad.
    I don’t know but I think maybe her fans have been rude about that maybe?
    If the people who maybe have been like shaming her for being skinny are reading this…
    You are disgusting.
    You don’t know her situation about why she is skinny, maybe high metabolism.
    you don’t know

  8. To the boy who called Colleen pudgy/chubby….


  9. Are you okay do you feel okay so you do I'm okay just asking cuz you know pregnant you wake up you always have to go to the bathroom

  10. Colleen you are so sweet, you should be president, you will be a wonderful mother, you are beautiful, don’t be so negative, you are such a good person of the world, I appreciate you Colleen, thank you, the world will give you something back for being such a good person, your sweet son.

    We love you Colleen ❣️

  11. Witch one of these are the beautiful emoji

    Not surprised it’s on your head. You are beautiful and never forget ho much

  12. hearing what she said at the end im shocked on how people has the nerve to comment on Colleen like she is sooo pretty even when she was pregnant and she still is so beautiful

  13. Hi Colleen ik I’m late but when u were talking about ur weight it hit me real hard bc I’ve always been a stick and I just don’t see it I don’t see me being skinny my health teacher made it seem like that being skinny doesn’t mean your healthy bc even if ur healthy u can be bigger (like she is no offense at all) she made it seem
    like most skinny ppl aren’t healthy and I remember going home and telling my mom but it wasn’t a big deal to her I started eating and eating and gained 6 pounds 56-62 then I just was lost and then I barely ate bc I hated how I looked (I’m only 11 but that’s not the point) and 5th grade year I was soooo insecure 😟 but no one rly understood but what you’ve said stay strong ❤️ ik our story isn’t the same but u still said an amazing speech and u r soooo pretty and this inspiring ppl and u put my mind in a different place!

  14. You know why you gained so much weight though? Because your body was trying to tell you that you need to gain more weight to carry your baby. Be thankful for your body taking over and gaining weight because now you have a beautiful baby boy❤️😘 your my favourite you tuber btw🥰

  15. I've nver related so much to your comments about not being body postive to yourself but body postive to all shapes of others. Thanks for taking time to shed some light on how you felt about your body during pregnancy.

  16. Colleen I think you look even better pregnant your face is Fuller and you are so beautiful so who cares what people say

  17. Im watching this after the pregnancy but colleen you are beautiful, you looked beautiful before your pregnancy and during your pregnancy and you still look beautiful. You'll probably not gonna see this so to the people who see this you are also beautiful and you've always been beautiful byeeee

  18. I'm a 13 year old girl. I know I'm not fat, I'm a size 8. However I feel it and I realate to u sooo much. U r so beautiful and perfect. Perfect is the one word that fits u. And everyone xxxx love u so much xx

  19. You are pregnant 🤰🏽 and you are gorgeous and you are carrying a child 👶🏼 and that is wonderful you are amazing 😉 I love the fact that you could get pregnant my mom tried for 18 years for 2 children

  20. colleen, I was anorexic for 12 years and severely underweight and I got put on birth control and doubled my weight in a year and I still have an issue with accepting my new body bc weight gained from birth control is so hard to lose and due to medical conditions I can't exercise the way most girls can and I still struggle with anorexia related food issues and body image issues so just know it does get easier to accept there are days that'll be harder than others but you are so gorgeous and such a role model with your ideals and views and a huge inspiration to girls and young women and even boys and young men bc its not just women suffering from body image issues I know so many males who have suffered from those issues as well so thank you so much for your support and body positivity ideals!

  21. (This is about the second part of the video) Everyone says I'm skinny. But I swear to God I'm not. I'm .F.A.T. but everyone tells me I'm skinny but I AM NOT. and I wish I could loose weight

  22. I had Kidney failure and I had to take a lot of medications and when I took it it would make me gain weight and I was only 8 years old and I would say I’m fat and I hated going to school became the medications would make me grow hair on my arms and legs so I would where sweaters and pants all day so no one would see my hair and people called me fat because I gained weight so some times my little belly would stick out but I couldn’t help it because the medication was doing it and every time I would take my sweater in school these boys would say you have a lot of hair on your arms and I was wearing a dress one day and then we were about to go to lunch and we were in are classroom and we were all lined up and are teacher was about to lead us to lunch and a boy was like is you dress really tight or does your belly just stick out like that and that hurt my feelings cause he basically was saying I’m fat and so I told my teacher and my teacher was really nice she let me eat up stairs with her and told me I’m not fat and that made me feel a little better but I had tough times at school

  23. Whoever hates colleen pregnant well you have no heart and you never will
    P.S Colleen you are the best pregnant or not pregnant you do you girl😊😊😊 give a like if you agree and not still leave a like
    Down here

  24. You should take a picture of your niece, show it to her and say “you are perfect the way you are, don’t ever like any less of yourself.”

  25. That speech was amazing.. the thought of skinny girls a few months ago put me thru anerexia. I went from 76 pounds to 46 pounds in 1 month I think u should talk about this more it’s terrible that girls do this to themselves.

    Keeps being awesome Colleen!!

  26. I really understand the aspects of thinking bigger girl are so beautiful but not liking the way I look cuz I’ve gained weight and I don’t look as skinny as my other friends. It’s really hard to be in that place cuz it’s so conflicting. It’s really nice to see a video talking about thinking one thing and really believing it but not applying the same idea to oneself. I really liked this video and the real talk.❤️

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