Which Chain Makes The Best Custom Pizza?

Which Chain Makes The Best Custom Pizza?

(upbeat music) – What is up, party people. I’ve spent the last
six months, staving off mobs of rabid fans, dozens of them, and they all ask the same question. When will candid competition return? The answer, right the (bleep) now. (theme music) – [Narrator] Candid competition. – [Zach] We’ve decided to challenge five fast food pizza chains to find out who makes the best custom-pizza. – Pizza, Pizza, whoah! – The catch, they don’t
know they’re competing. They don’t even know
they’re in this video. We’re just gonna roll
up to five pizza spots with a hidden camera and a photo of me, and ask them to recreate my face using the toppings of their choice. – [Miles] I’ll pay for
the most expensive pizza you guys have, if you will
make this pizza of his face. – Each pizza artist will deliver here tomorrow at the same exact time. All on a brand new episode
of candid competition. Beauty is in the pie of the beholder. (upbeat music) Also, I’m lactose intolerant. Our competitors today are Pizza Hut, Domino’s, Papa John’s, Little Caesars, and Walmart. This is Rachel, our producer. Rachel you had some questions
about the episode, right? – I heard your filming
candid competition again. – [Zach] Right, we’re
gonna give them a photo and then we’re gonna have them
choose toppings to make me. – They’re not gonna make photos on pizza. – It’s like how a cake person
could draw Zach out of icing. – [Rachel] Cake companies do
that, but pizza places don’t. – Well, that’s why it’s a competition. We’re gonna be judging our competitors on three categories: taste, delivery time, and most importantly, customization. Obviously, pineapple is everyone’s favorite pizza ingredient,
so that is essential, we must have pineapple on this pizza. A couple little bonus
things, we’re gonna tell them that I’m insecure about my hairline, so to make it look really nice and full. (Rachel laughing) – [Keith] A little extra spinach on top. (laughing) – That is too much. – We’re gonna tell them
all the same time tomorrow. – You can’t add another factor. – [Zach] Well, there are three factors. – [Keith] Yeah, you can – I think we’re ready. – Please don’t get pizza people fired. – Okay, noted. (theme music) – [Narrator] Candid competition. – It’s time to get us some pizzas. Actually, growing up I didn’t
really go to fast food pizza. We had a place called Italian Village, and we also had Amore, and I lived five minutes from both of them. So, I’m coming in a real blank slate here. I’m really here to
decide once and for all, who make the best pizza. – Okay, so you’re gonna go in, and you’re gonna show them this photo, and you’re going to say,
Hey, Papa John’s employee, can you please make a
pizza with my face on it. – No, that would be a
terrible idea, Zach’s famous. – [Miles] So, what do
you want us to tell them? – [Zach] Here’s the deal, Miles. We want you to try and say the exact same script
to every single place. Today is your best friend’s birthday. This is his favorite pizza place. You’re wondering if they can make custom pizza for you of his face. Here’s a photo. If you find yourself in any trouble, we’re gonna be with you on Bluetooth, via headphone the entire time. – [Miles] Alright, can you hear me? – [Zach] Yeah we can hear you
– You sound awesome. – This is thrilling – [Miles] Hi, how’s it going. – [Employee] Pretty good – [Miles] Um, I have
kind of a fun request. So, it’s my best friends’ birthday, and he, like, loves Pizza Hut. It’s his favorite restaurant in the world. So for his birthday I wanted
to get him something special. So I wanted to get a pizza where you guys make his face out of toppings. I will pay like whatever cost is. I’ll pay for the most expensive pizza you guys have if you will
make this pizza of his face. – [Employee] The problem is, sir, it’s not that we don’t want to do it, we don’t have the tools
to be able to do that. – [Miles] You don’t have the tools? – [Employee] Yeah, we don’t have the tools to actually make a face. – [Miles] Well, you don’t
have to make an exact face. Just sort of assorting the toppings in a way that looks like his face. – It can be a boy with glasses. – [Miles] He’s a boy with glasses. – [Employee] Yeah man, we
can give it a try, man. – [Miles] I believe in you. I think you’re gonna do great. I have one thing, he’s like self-conscious about his hairline, so we just wanna make his hairline look really good. Just a bunch of olives, bunch
of whatever topping you want. – Say, up to you, but he loves pineapple. – [Miles] Oh, and he loves pineapple, that’s the one thing we absolutely have to have on the pizza. – [Employee] What I was thinking is maybe I could work his face out of pepperoni. – [Miles] Yeah, I like that, okay. – [Employee] And then work
the eyes out of mushrooms. – He’s an artist. – He’s an artiste. – See Rachel, they’re artists. – [Zach] Wow, there really are a lot of pizza places just boom, boom, boom. – [Miles] Hi, how’s it going? – [Employee] Hi. – [Miles] So, I have
kind of a fun request. Hi, how are you doing? So, I have kind of a special request. Hi, it’s my best friend’s
birthday tomorrow. And he loves Papa Johns. He loves Domino’s, it’s his favorite restaurant in the world. Little Caesars is his favorite
restaurant in the world. He loves Little Caesars. So I want to get him a Domino’s pizza with toppings that look like his face. – It doesn’t have to be perfect. I know his face isn’t to begin with. – [Miles] It doesn’t have to be perfect. I know his face isn’t
perfect to begin with. – [Employee] We could try. – [Miles] You could try. That’s all I’m asking you to do is try. If a pizza gets delivered
with toppings on it, we’ll be totally happy. – Employee] Do you wanna
just pick some toppings, or? – [Miles] Why don’t you pick the toppings that you think would
be good on this pizza. – Pineapples, probably your
most popular topping, right? – [Miles] Pineapples probably your most popular topping, right? – [Employee] No, not really, no. – [Miles] Oh, not really? – Do you think Caesar
himself ever ate Pizza Pizza? – [Miles] Did Caesar himself
eat Pizza Pizza here? – [Employee] Maybe. – [Miles] You think maybe? We want his hair to look really good. Because he’s very insecure about his hair. However you want to do it. He like has a receding hairline we always are making fun of him about it. – I never said I had a receding hairline. – [Miles] Just a couple small things. So we always make fun of him about his receding hairline, and
the pizza’s for a big boy. – [Employee] You said Big Boy? – [Miles] Big boy. Yes, for tomorrow, 2 p.m. Oh, you don’t deliver. – [Employee] No, we just do carryout. – [Miles] Oh, okay. – Say, could we have it
available for pick up at 1:30? – You’re gonna bend the
rules for Little Caesars? – We’re in it. (triumphant music) – I didn’t say receding. Now next up is Walmart,
but before we go there, we just wanna give them a call and make sure that they
are up for the challenge. – There’s no way they’re gonna do this. – Here’s the thing, Walmart has been in two candid competitions. They’ve never won. So I just wanna keep giving
them a chance, you know? (phone ringing) – [Employee] Thank you for
calling Walmart in Burbank, how may I direct your call. – How’s it going? I wanted to speak to the pizza department. – [Employee] There is no
pizza department at Walmart. – You guys don’t do any pizza delivery? – [Employee] No, we don’t. – Okay, well thank you. (upbeat music) – It sounds like we’re prank calling them. (laughing) I feel bad for them for the first time. – Good morning, and welcome to day two of the pizza face race. Wow, the first pizza has arrived. We are set up, we are prepared. Keith, how are you feeling? – I’m feeling really good. – We’ve got hidden cameras. There, here, over the door,
there through the window. – [Keith] That one isn’t very hidden – Yeah I know, but like they’re
gonna be facing this way. It’s 1:30, we’re about 30 minutes out. The pizza’s gonna show up at any moment, and I’m so excited. Rachel, you peaked. (laughing) Is it amazing? – I’m on board now. (cheering) (laughing) – [Keith] Oh my God,
fucking Domino’s is here. Pizza Hut is here. – [Zach] Wait, we have
two at the same time. – [Keith] Oh it looks ridiculous. There’s [Mumbles]. – Okay, what time is it? Is it two? – [Keith] It’s almost two. – It’s 1:49, they’re
both 11 minutes early. Okay, so lets– Keith, should I give it to whoever gets here to the door first? Or whoever’s closest to two? – [Keith] No, I, again, I
don’t know, what should we do? – [Zach] I think whoever
gets to the door first. Oh god, they are two guys,
they are talking to each other. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I think I need to give them both $20. – [Keith] Uh, yeah, yeah. – It’s too much, they tied. I’m too stressed out. Oh my god, oh my god, okay. I think I need your help – [Keith] You can do
this, you can do this. – Oh my god, I’m really freaking out. They know something’s up, okay. (doorbell rings) – Uh, these for Big Boy? Yeah, that one’s for Big Boy, and this one’s for maybe Miles? Awesome, do you mind bringing them in. How are you guys doing today? – [Employee] Good, how are you? – [Zach] Awesome,thank you so much. [Domino’s Employee] We tried! – Yeah, yeah. We are actually, so
we’re doing this video, and we have four different places trying to make the same pizza, if you have like five minutes, do you want to judge them with us? – That’s fine with me. – [Zach] Yeah, awesome, what’s your name? [Beep] – I’m Zach. Why don’t you take a seat real quick, and we’ll get this other pizza. – You’re missing a Papa John’s? – [Zach] Yeah we’re waiting on Papa. – They take forever. – [Zach] Really? (laughing) You tell us which one
you think’s the best. – [Keith] Guys, there’s
a pizza man walking up. – Do you know him? Yeah, what’s his name? [Beep] Hey, how’s it going, [Beep] Hey nice to meet you, we
have a friend of yours here. – [Papa John’s Employee] Oh, [Beep]. (laughing) – [Zach] We’re filming,
do you want to come in? We’re filming a competition video. – [Papa John’s Employee]
No, I can’t come in, bro. – [Domino’s Employee] We were
waiting for you my friend. – We’ve got a lot of pizzas to judge, but you absolutely have won our delivery portion of the competition. So congratulations, and thank you so much. You are one of our winners on
today’s candid competition. – [Domino’s Employee] Sweet. (theme music) – [Narrator] Candid competition. (gong rings) – So we have our pizzas
from Little Caesars, Domino’s, Pizza Hut, and Papa. There’s only one thing left to do now, let’s see those faces. Alright, are you ready? Wow, I’m so excited.
– I’m so excited. I think you should fling it open, so that the box doesn’t hide our faces – Okay. Three, two, one. Whoah! – [Keith] Oh, okay, okay. – Yes, first things first,
this is definitely a face. – [Keith] You only see one ear here, because you only see
one ear in this photo. – They added perspective into this art. – [Keith] They’ve got the glasses connected with bell pepper. – Oh, my eyebrows are right. That’s a fine detail, and they nailed it. – Yeah, the mushroom eyebrows, the olives, they’re a great choice for irises. They are one-to-one perfect. And look at this beautiful
white onion hair. And a lot of your favorite ingredient. I would have liked if they’d done a little better job in
the rim of the glasses, but maybe these pepperonis are
supposed to be the glasses? – I do agree, I think
this is lacking a rim job. – [Both] Cheers. (soft music) – This is actually probably my first time ever having Papa John’s. There’s a nice sponginess to the bread. It’s bready to rumble. – [Keith] I think it’s bland pizza. – [Zach] Well they gave us garlic sauce. – You can dip it in garlic butter, and then your world will explode. – I actually think this is really good. – I think it’s way to sweet. – I love it. I wow, I just said it, wow, I love it. Wow. Up next, hut hut hut, Pizza Hut. (cheering) – [Zach] Wow! Aesthetically, not the most beautiful, but this man used meat. – Time out. You have ham blush. – [Zach] Shut the fuck up. – There’s one piece of ham
on each cheek rosy-ing it up. – Oh, I’m like a little anime character. – I think it looks a
bit more like a monster. This looks like a mean
Zach Cornfeld over here. – [Both] Cheers! (upbeat music) – Oh fuck. This tastes like late night. – Can I be real with you? These meatballs delicious sausage flavor. – I’m gonna say something crazy. The accoutrement, unbelievable. But the base of the pizza, I can’t believe I’m saying
this, I like Papa John’s more. – Ah, you’re crazy. – Maybe I just have like
PTSD from this flavor. I associate this with my most
drunken nights in college. – [Keith] Oh. Yuck, pineapple. I think that the chin was
better in the previous pizza. It really defined the face. – [Zach] Yeah, I have a chiseled face. So to insinuate that the shape of my face is the same of that of a pizza, insulting. – Yeah, but this face
tasted better, I thought. – My face does taste amazing. Domino’s – Obviously, Domino’s we’ve already had a crazy good connection. They’ve already won the delivery category. So they’re currently in the lead. These are the instructions
for the pizza guy. It says make the pizza look like this guy. Eyes are pepperoni. Teeth are pineapples. – The rest, up to you. Be creative. – Let’s see how creative they were. Three, two one, yeah! (both humming in confusion) Not super creative. Interesting cheese blend. – Look, I think we had unrealistically high expectations for Domino’s. Once you make a connection, like the connection
that we had with [Beep], I mean, how could anything
not be a disappointment. – [Keith] So I like that they chose to individually make your teeth. Not your mouth, but nine pineapple teeth. I don’t think they did a
great job with your hairline. – I think honestly, that’s the worst my hair’s looked in a while. There’s a sparseness of ingredients here. Which I know, I know we said
you can do whatever you want, but you have, I mean
how much was this pizza? – A 25 fucking dollar pizza. (laughing) (music) – I’m gonna tell you straight up, this crust is unbelievable. This is the most bomb-ass
crust I’ve ever had in my life. – Remember when–
– Holy shit! – Like nine years ago, Domino’s was like, hey guys, look we hear
you, our pizza sucks. We’re gonna change it. We’re just gonna change it. And all they really did
was pour fat on the crust, and we were all like,
we’re back in baby, yeah! – Domino’s is good,
the people are amazing. Better people, better crust, Domino’s Alright, last up, Pizza Pizza. – What an ugly box. – I know, where’s Caesar? You have the cutest
mascot in all the land, and he’s not on your box. – His arm is right here, I think. – [Both] Pizza Pizza. Whoah! – [Zach] Wow! – Oh my god. Oh my god. – [Zach] There’s a lot
of color going on here. – Oh my god, this is art. They made little green pepper pupils. – There are pupils inside
the fucking olives. – The mouth full of little ham
teeth is so god-damned funny. This chain cut up ingredients to make them look more like
the features of a face. – Holy shit, you’re right. We did tell them that I
wanted nice, robust hair. And they gave me not just
one, but two ingredients. – I would say you have
dragon ball z hair in this. It is like exploding out of your head. – This pizza just went went super, saying. – [Keith] They chose bacon, because bacon is a salty counterpart to pineapple. They balanced the flavors. – Why’d you guys want to
make your own channel? This moment. – So, uh, pizza? – Pizza. (chewing and smacking) I’d say that’s pretty acceptable pizza. – [Keith] Totally acceptable. It’s also crazy cold at this point. (bell dings) – It is now time to decide a winner. Papa John’s, a surprisingly
delicious flavor. And I can tell that there
was a lot of thought put into their art. – [Keith] Pizza Hut really
brought the toppings and meat. Really great flavor. – [Zach] Domino’s, with the
most electric delivery man I have ever met in my life. Can we give it to a pizza
with such a simple design? And Little Caesars, a chain
that was almost eliminated because they don’t actually deliver. And with the flavor that
was kind of just okay. – [Keith] I could see us giving it to any one of these pizzas. – [Zach] I think we’re in agreement. – [Keith] I think so, too. – And the winner, of candid
competition pizza face race, who will win $50 is… (drum roll) (silence) (suspenseful music) at the end of the day,
it’s not the pizza joints, but the people who work
there, and I don’t know if you were here or remember, but we had this crazy custom pizza where we had someone design my face, – [Employee] Okay. – [Zach] Do you know
what I’m talking about? – [Employee] No.
– [Zach] No? Beautiful souls like [Beep], and the artists who put
there all into every slice. – [Domino’s Employee]
Well the pizza hut guy, I’ve tried waving… – Nothing – [Domino’s Employee]
So it’s just like, well. Some people are just out there
to deliver and make money. – [Zach] Is there a woman? – [Employee] She left already. – [Zach] She was amazing, and we just wanted to say thank you guys, she puts so much into it. ♪ It’s a beautiful day. ♪ – [Group] Pizza, pizza, whoah! – [Zach] She wasn’t there,
but I gave it to someone else. I gave it to the lady who
you talked to yesterday, because I wanna come back. I wanna come back ♪It’s a beautiful day. ♪ ♪ Wake up ♪ ♪It’s a beautiful day. ♪ – I have a note from the network. – Yeah? – I’m sorry, they’re canceling the show. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. (sighs) (upbeat music) – [Keith] I thought we
really nailed it this time. – [Zach] I really thought
we were doing so good. – [Keith] How do you get
canceled three times? – [Zach] I don’t know! This is at least as good as Ray King. He just sits at a fucking table. – Should we start putting Eugene in these? – Yeah, I guess we probably should. – [Miles] What if we get a drone? – Yeah.

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About the Author: John Markowski


  1. Keith eating his pizza slices in like 2 bites is me.

    Also, as someone who hates Little Caesars, I wanna eat that Little Caesars pizza just because it looks so pretty. Also, a lot of pineapple which is a plus.

  2. Why no Roundtable??? They are a California chain and they make pizza better then all four of those that you picked.

  3. As someone who used to work for chain pizza : the delivery drivers don't make the pizzas. They have 2 braincells. They just grab bags and drive them places.

  4. My love for Little Caesar's is beyond belief and, as many of these competition styles as I have seen, I have never seen Little Caesar's win the day! I am so happy!

  5. I dunno why, but i got like second hand embarrassment when Zach called Walmart & asked for the 'pizza department' & then proceeded to ask if WALMART DELIVERED PIZZA…?

    And i cannot tell if he was being completely serious or not, that's the problem… Lmaooo ??? ?

  6. I expected Shane from smosh to come in at the end to the winner and say
    “You’re my favorite pizza place!”

  7. Domino's : it's 25$ for the pizza sir
    Me : wth where I come from you can buy 20 pizzas with 25$
    Domino's : well excuse me u cheap ….

  8. My boyfriend and I watched this video after such a long and tough week at work and my god, when you guys opened the Little Caesar’s box we both just lost it. Every ounce of energy we had left was gone. Thank you so much for this and bless the little caesars gal for the amazing artistry.

  9. “Little Caesars is like my friend’s most favorite restaurant in the world so I wanted to get him a Dominos pizza.”

  10. I don't give a fuck how artistic they were in Little Caesars, this place pizza broke my fucking tooth, and I hated their pizza so fucking much anyways

  11. My name is Rachel so when Keith looks RIGHT IN THE CAMERA and says, "See Rachel! They're artists!" it was a very very strange feeling. LOL

  12. I was wheezing every every time the pizza hut guy spoke.
    He's just like: 4:43
    In a deep tone
    "wweelll wwharrtt ii wweerrss tthhiinnkkiinnggg wweerrss tttheerrttt ii ccouurllddd mmaakkee hheeee's feeerrrssss oouutt uurrrfff ppepppperrrooniiii…"

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